Ah, Sea Salt. The game where you play an Old God, and humanity is your deadbeat tenant. They’ve enjoyed your oceanic blessings, but when it’s time to pay up, suddenly everyone’s got amnesia. Well, let’s just say, the debt collector is in town, and he’s brought an army of sea monsters.
Or How to Be a Vengeful God 101
You’re an Old God. You’ve been around. You’ve seen things. You’ve given humanity fair winds, bountiful catches, and what do you get in return? A bishop who thinks he can defy you. It’s like giving someone a Ferrari and getting a thank-you card in return. Time to unleash the Kraken, or in this case, an entire army of deep-sea nightmares.
Your Sea-Faring Goon Squad
You command a swarm of everything that’s wrong with the ocean. We’re talking cultists, nightmarish creatures, and horrors that make Jaws look like a pool floatie. You control them all at once because who has time for micromanagement when you’re a god?
It’s Not All Mindless Devastation (Just Mostly)
Sure, you could just throw your minions at the humans willy-nilly, but where’s the fun in that? Use terrain to your advantage, surround those puny mortals, and watch them lose their minds faster than a cat on a Roomba.
Because Even Gods Like Collectibles
As you wreak havoc, you’ll unlock different units through hellish tarot cards. Sixteen different units, each with their own quirks. It’s like Pokémon, if Pokémon involved summoning eldritch horrors to consume the souls of the damned.
Or Why This Isn’t a Game for Your Little Cousin Timmy
Pixelated blood and gore, cartoon violence, and a whole lot of existential dread. This game is as mature as that cheese you forgot about in the back of your fridge.
The Emperor Does Not Protect
Sea Salt is a game of divine retribution, where you collect on humanity’s spiritual debt the old-fashioned way: with an army of unspeakable horrors. It’s not just a game; it’s a cathartic experience for anyone who’s ever been ghosted.